What you feel and what you think

Sekitar 3 tahun yang lalu gue terjebak pada pertanyaan….

Mana yang harus gue pilih? My head or my heart?

Sekitar akhir-akhir ini pertanyaan itu muncul lagi…

Dan dari apa yang gue pelajari…

“Sesuatu itu berasa salah kalau hati bilang salah meskipun kepala bilang benar”

“Sedangkan sesuatu itu terasa benar jika hati mengatakan benar”

Ada yang terjebak obat-obatan karena mendengarkan hati…

Ada yang terjebak seks bebas karena mendengarkan hati….

Ada yang terjebak lelaki yang salah karena mendengarkan hati….

Ada yang terjebak hubungan yang salah karena mendengarkan hati…

Hati ini sesuatu yang baru buat gue…

Bukan sesuatu yang gue bawa dari kecil dan menempel di diri gue….

Sesuatu yang gue temukan ketika gue besar….

Dan gue bener-bener bingung….

Hati yang katanya bisa membuat dunia menjadi lebih baik….

Membawa dunia ketempat yang seharusnya tidak pernah dunia lihat….

PS:

I don’t take things that I don’t deserves of…

I am not an opportunist…

I don’t take money more than what I need or what I deserve eventhough?I have the right

I don’t take sex with no strings attached, no love attached and no future holds

I’m sorry I don’t take those things

I’m just being true me

I’m just being real me

We Are All Afraid of Something

When we were born most of us has parents…
Some parents stay with their children until they grew up…
The kid become a boy and then become a man…
He realize that they would never be there forever…
He afraid to become alone….
So he meet other women and wishing time would stop….
Wishing nothing would set them apart….
They married and then one day they apart…
Either by death or by another thing…

The kid become a girl and then become a women….
By the time she realize that her beauty wouldn?t last forever she afraid…
Afraid that no one will come and play again with her….
So she meet someone steady…
She married to find a friend of life….
Wishing nothing would set them apart….
Either by death or by another thing…

But they will apart one day….

When we were born most of us has control over something….
There is always something that protect us….
When we grow up we are always afraid of something….
So when we grow up we try to collect that protection…
Money, wealth, jobs, insurance….
We lost our purpose in life…
Wishing that having things would protect them….
So we lost in days, months and years finding what we could never have….
A true protection…

In the end we die….

Relentless act we?ve done day by day…
Years by years….
Generation by generation….
What do we live for?

PS:
I wrote this for those of lost souls…
Those who trapped in those carnal desire….
Those who trapped in pointless pussies…
Those who trapped in relentless nights of drinks…..
Those who trapped in pointless things….
And those who was trapped….

Global Economic Failure in Sub Urban Citizen View

Beberapa hari terakhir ini kita terus dikejutkan dengan harga-harga dunia yang melambung tinggi….Dimulai dari harga oil yang mencapai $100 lantas turun dan akhirnya di Indonesia pun mengalami krisis yang lebih parah dari tahun 1998 dengan harga dollar mencapai 13.000 rupiah….Namun, ketika semua itu terjadi, saya berada di sebuah kota kecil sejauh 5jam perjalanan dari Medan….

Di kota ini tidak ada yang berubah….Harga minyak tidak naik dari terakhir kali terjadi kenaikan….Harga-harga tidak berpengaruh terhadap naiknya dollar karena memang kota kecil ini tidak ada investasi asing…tidak ada juga yang perduli dengan dollar sepertinya….Kota kecil ini, Tanjung Balai Asahan,?bisa dibilang 100% Indonesia…Jadi meskipun dunia hancur, tidak ada yang merana di kota kecil ini….Semuanya just the way they are….

Sampai 2 minggu yang lalu saya pikir Indonesia tidak kenapa-kenapa dengan adanya inflasi yang akhir2 ini lagi ngetrend di Dunia….Saya pikir, “Indonesia sudah lebih independen dengan negara-negara asing”…Sampai?2 minggu yang lalu saya menonton TV (ya, saya disini jarang nonton tv dan baca berita ekonomi…bacanya berita telco terus)….Dan disitu saya lihat berita mengenai pengangguran dan kenaikan bahan pangan….

Hati saya hari itu langsung tersentak….

Terkaget….

Ternyata Jakarta yang kutinggal masih sebegitu parahnya terombang-ambing karena global economic recession…

Inget keluarga gimana ya mereka?

Jadi pengen pulang ke Jakarta

Ayo Indonesia Independent

PS:

I miss my car so damn much….

Fake life!

It is better to know the truth get hurt and overcomes it….

Than blindingly happy and stupefied by the unwillingness to survive….

Still being me!

Today is my 25th birthday….

Nothing is changing accept my appearance…

Two years ago I still wearing my rock on shirts and accessories….

But I’m still being me….

PS:

I still don’t know how to control the flame without killing it….

PS2:

I still work based on efficiency….

Love it damn much….

PS3:

I’m in a quarter of my life and still don’t know where to go….

Still lost in my own way of thinking….

PS4:

Thank you for being the first person that saying happy birthday to me cil….

I know you are still mad at me…

PS5:

Thanks to?cielers?friends http://www.cielers.net/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=2598&sid=d3b67b279155135dcb0653cd867cd16b

Thanks to office friends

Thanks to all of my ex-s

Thank you for everyone that saying happy birthday to me….

Hope me gets better than last year….Better attitude, personality, live, love, work, and pay…hahahah…

Failing in Relationships

Some of my friends in my early adulthood during my campus life saying that I?m Playboy. But that term actually come out when I was living surrounded by women. Not living with them as much as I want to.

Dan beberapa kali ini gue ngerasa failing on relationships. Beberapa relationship emang terpaksa kandas ditengah jalan karena memang perbedaan keinginan. Some can be solved, resolved but some can not.

I?m kinda Immature in relationships. Eventhough I am an adult my Intelligence in relationships actually not better than any early adulthood nowadays. This is happens because I actually start a love relationship not so long ago while teen nowadays start their love relationships much more earlier than my time.

Most of the mistakes happen in my relationships is actually coming from one self. We presume that people are the same. A problem in one relationship with some men would become a problem in another relationship. You know, Recently I?ve watched an independent movie called, ?A complete history of my sexual failure?. And there is one women in the movie thinking that when he hadn?t had sex with her it is something wrong to her.

And then I snapped in my bed thinking….Have I done the same mistake with that guy?….I mean most guy in Indonesia thinks that most Indonesian girls would prefer abstinence in sex…..

But then again every relationship is unique…Not every man is a cheater…My last relationship failed because I was pushed around to not talking to women….Which actually I am not a cheater…..

Another relationships failed because I have prematurely knowing too much truth that I could handle….

Some signs of problem that we recognize sometimes doesn?t even become a problem….Some guy is yelling and then he could become a wife hitter is not always happen….I am an ex-band player, I speak loud than most people because I scream a lot on a studio….I am coming from a sumatranese family that is common to yell to define the problem clearly….but that doesnt mean I would become a wife hitter…..

All I?m saying is that, failing in relationship is something that naturally happens just like when you start riding bike….Even expect failures in relationship…

The only question is that, are you willing to fix the relationship?. Is the relationship is worth enough to be fixed?

Give us ?the nice guy breed? a chance will you?
PS:
To Chris Waitt
Women don?t want you
At least the you now.
Women are desperately to dreams.
So show what you can be, not what you are.
PS2:

Sudah banyak orang di luar sana membantu orang lain….

Aku masih disini terdiam

PS3:

Banyak juga orang jahat diluar sana hidup dengan memakan sesamanya….

Dan aku masih terdiam disini….

Tidak bisa menghentikannya….

PS4:

It is common to expect things from me….

And if you think that I’m quite dependable….

You might expect more things from me than any other guys….

But those expectations, those things that i do for you doesn’t come free…..

I also expect you to do lots of things for me….

If this trade cannot be fulfilled one parties will be disappointed….

Another party will follow the path of the disappointed and became disappointed too….

It is spiraling never ending…..

PS5:

Lately lagi denger lagu ini dari album peterpan yang dua cd itu…lagi nyari lagu peterpan yang menyanyikan ulang lagu chrisye…ada satu yang bagus yang diputer di radio lokal sini…tapi gue lupa judulnya apa…jadinya nemunya lagu ini deh….

Peter pan feat Chrisye – Aku Menunggumu

Didalam sebuah cinta
terdapat bahasa
Yang mengalun indah
mengisi jiwa
merindukan kisah
kita berdua
Yang tak pernah bisa
akan terlupa

Bila Rindu ini
masih milikmu
Kuhadirkan sebuah
tanya untukmu
Harus brapa lama
aku menunggumu
aku menunggumu…

Didalam masa indah
saat bersamamu
Yang tak pernah bisa
akan terlupa
Kenangan masa yang
menghancurkan jiwa
Dengan segenap cinta

aku bertanya

Bila Rindu ini
masih milikmu
Kuhadirkan sebuah
tanya untukmu
Harus brapa lama
aku menunggumu

Dalam hati kumenunggu..
Dalam hati kumenunggu..aku…
Dalam lelah kumenunggu..
Dalam hati kumenunggu..aku…
masih menunggu….

Bila Rindu ini
masih milikmu
Kuhadirkan sebuah
harus berapa lama
Harus brapa lama

aku menunggumu
aku menunggumu

?

What’s in the mean of time?

Kalau bisa sekarang kenapa tidak sekarang?

Mungkin tiwi dan gue bakal ketawa kalo ada yang bilang, “I can quit whenever I want”

Sebuah frase yang menyatakan bahwa seakan-akan seseorang memegang control akan sesuatu

Frase lainnya, “Gue ngerokok karena lagi stress”…Atau frase lainnya lagi, “Gue ngobat cuma buat tau rasanya kayak apa”….

But it goes on and on and on and on…..

Seriously, If you are meaning to stop then do it now!

Seriously, if you are really meant to win you should start now!

Gak perlu nunggu taon depan yang cuma 2 bulan lagi….

Apa beda sekarang dan 3 bulan ke depan?

Apa beda memilih jalan sekarang dan memilih jalan di 3 bulan depan?

PS:

Choose or you will be chosen….

Played by cause and always becoming and effect….

Will you stop becoming effect?

PS2:

Soundtracknya laskar pelangi dan “laskar pelangi”-nya sumatera

Laskar Pelangi

by. Nidji

Cipt. Nidji

Mimpi adalah kunci

Untuk kita menaklukkan dunia

Berlarilah tanpa lelah

Sampai engkau meraihnya

?

Laskar pelangi takkan terikat waktu

Bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa

Warnai bintang di jiwa

?

Menarilah dan terus tertawa

Walau dunia tak seindah surga

Bersyukurlah pada yang kuasa

Cinta kita di dunia

Selamanya

?

Cinta kepada hidup

Memberikan senyuman abadi

Walau hidup kadang tak adil

Tapi cinta lengkapi kita

?

Laskar pelangi

Takkan terikat waktu

Jangan berhenti mewarnai

Jutaan mimpi di bumi

Swear

Hwah….

Cursing…

Swearing….

Itu paling nikmat kalo dah memuncak emosi….

PS:

Don’t Make me Angry

You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry

-David Banner, Hulk-

Lubang

Seperti terseret lubang hitam…

Tak ada yang dapat kulakukan untuk menghindarinya…..

Membiarkannya terus menghisapku….

Menghancurkanku, meremukkanku….

Seperti vortex waktu yang terbuka ketika lubang hitam tercipta….

Seluruh diriku terbuka, terkelupas, menjadi inti….

Disaat itu aku menjadi aku dan kami menjadi jauh….

Dan disaat ini aku ingin sendiri untuk nanti bersama….

PS:

Sabtu-sabtu begini ngerjain tugas dari bos bos yang memiliki harapan yang tinggi terhadap gue….

PS2:

Expectation itu menyebalkan….

Seumur hidup dibayangi expectation orang….

Tapi mendingan dikelilingi oleh expectation dibanding tidak punya….